My original inspiration for this site was to build a chain of beings around the globe, holding hands in service of making the world a better place. The only problem? I couldn’t wrap my head around how to do it. So I did nothing.
Six months later I had another moment of inspiration (or stupidity, time will tell). I was feeling badly about how not-creative I’ve been for the last few years after looking at this gorgeous blog/website (www.shannonleith.com). Wondering how I could juice myself up again, I thought about The Artist’s Way (I don’t have time for morning pages), really learning how to use my camera (great idea but will I do it?), dancing again (sure but with my limited “me” time, an hour a week ain’t going to cut it) and then I thought (ta daaaahhhhh) writing! A blog! How thoroughly original. Because there aren’t already 18 billion blogs out there waiting to be read.
It felt right. And at this point I don’t care if anyone reads it. The act of making it public will, hopefully, hold me accountable. It will force me to write. I LOVE to write but ever since OAC English with Mr. Hougham (that was grade 13 in Ontario Canada in the late 80’s) I have been ashamed of my abilities – or lack thereof. Oh and it got reinforced in a couple of writing classes over the years. I’m not so good at it. But hey, maybe I”ll get better if I practice a lot.
So I’ve decided to document my journey of personal growth and healing. I’ve been a work in progress for a long long time and in the past three or four years I’ve stepped it up. Got a Masters degree in Clinical Psych and specialized in Community Psychology. Got interested in attachment theory and then had a child so I could put it all into practice. (to be clear, that’s not why I had her, the timing was just good). Started a business, then another – the first to make money and the second because I want to change the world. All of this has kicked my behind in a way I didn’t expect and my desire to get over myself, to heal all the damaged, hurting, scared parts of myself has gotten stronger. I no longer wish to live in psychological and emotional pain. I want to be healthy, I want to be whole.
I used to journal. I have a big box of black art books of all sizes filled with rantings, ramblings, whining, poems, bad drawings, love, lust, shame, guilt, and joy. They are embarrassing but I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. I need to make my husband promise to burn them (without reading them!) if anything happens to me. I’m hoping that this – editable – medium will give me some of the same creative outlet and satisfaction without the twenty-something angst.
Anyway – here it is. Here I am. Enjoy. Or not. I leave it to you.