Connecting the Dots

Here are a few things I’ve really wanted to say yes to recently:

Danielle LaPorte’s FireStarter Sessions ebook.

Mark at Heart of Business’s Heart of Money Transformational Journey.

Pace and Kyeli’s World Changing Writing Workshop

The Jen Louden/Patti Digh/Susan Piver Walking into Fire retreat.

Jennifer Hoffman’s Inspired Organizing program.

The Rethinking Everything conference.

In the past I would have jumped on at least three of these right away. I would have gotten really excited, started off with a bang and petered quickly into a whimper. I would have gotten overwhelmed and given up, beating myself up in the process – for wasting money, for not following through, for giving up on my dreams (and anything else the voices of fear and judgment could have come up with).

Some of these I will have to say no to. Some I can put on my “not now but soon” list and some will no longer be relevant by the time I can get to them because I will have moved through my need for them and into something else.

But I still really want to say yes. They all look transformative. They all have the feel of being exactly what I need right now. This is by no means a definitive list. The more I look into what the amazing people I’ve met through Twitter and the blogosphere are doing, the more classes, books and retreats beckon.

I am saying no (or not-right-now) to these because I’ve also said yes.

I’ve said yes to having another baby and it’s been one heckuva rollercoaster ride these last three months. I’ve said yes to making time with my daughter my priority at this point in my life. I’ve said yes to bringing a vision to life no matter how slowly the process might unfold (so okay, the FireStarter Sessions are coming into my life soon). Most importantly, I’ve said yes to learning how to take care of myself. I’ve been forced into this by the little life that is growing inside me and at 38, it’s probably time I figured it out. As a good friend of mine put it, I’m connecting the dots. The ones I’ve ignored for a long time – or left half-connected –  that can turn my house of cards into a solid home. The ones I was born knowing how to connect but forgot about over the years. Passion. Belief. Health. Who I Really Am.

I am done with allowing fear to run my life, with almost losing another baby because of the constant stress my body lives with. To quote Rhonda Britten (who I’ve been introduced to because I said yes to working with the fabulous Mynde Mayfield) I am ready to step off my Wheel of Fear and onto my Wheel of Freedom – and power.

I am powerful. We all are. Why are those dots so hard for some of us to see? And where did I get the notion that taking care of myself made me weak? Unlovable?

I am learning to accept that I might not blog, or read my favorite blogs, or see my friends as often as I would like for the next few weeks months years. I am learning to trust that I have angels watching over me and everything is going to be okay. I am learning to believe that my needs are worth meeting. In doing so I hope to be a better mother, a more whole person. I also hope to model self-care for my daughter in a way that makes the dots easier for her to connect.

And you? What dots have you connected recently? What dots do you need to connect? What do you need to give up – at least for a while – to do that? If you’d like to share how you take care of  yourself, I’d love to hear that too.

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~ by Alana on May 23, 2010.

9 Responses to “Connecting the Dots”

  1. Alana,

    This post makes me really happy. Self-care is so important!

  2. yeah to the Very Big Yesses.
    xoox

  3. Am so excited for you, and looking forward to hearing more details.
    xoxo

  4. “Not now but soon.” I like that phrase. I like that it means you really want to do this, but just need to figure out how to make it work. There’s something exciting, just over the horizon.

    Lately, I’ve been realizing how much time I spend watching TV. I watch a ridiculous amount of TV. I’m loyal to too many shows, some that are really not great, just okay. So I need to cut back on this. Which will be hard, because Husband will ask what I’m doing, why I’m not in the family room with him, if he should save the shows for me. Maybe I can convince him to jump on the bandwagon of cutting back.

  5. Eva – I love your take on “not now but soon”. It does feel exciting!

    Turning off the TV changed my life. I wish you great discovery, growth and fun if you decide to cut back.

  6. I’m at the other end of the spectrum – my youngest “child” (he’s 20) moved to DC recently – but this post still hit home.

    Your words: “I am learning to believe that my needs are worth meeting” – and noting how that’ll make you a better mother — wow! So true (and I wish I’d known that a long time ago).

    And these words: “I’m connecting the dots. The ones I’ve ignored for a long time – or left half-connected – that can turn my house of cards into a solid home.” Double-YOWZA wow!! So inspiring!

    My dot -connecting has to do with coming out of hiding – being fearless (yep, Mynde helped me understand Britten’s books too) about showing up. And I’ll be giving up mindlessly taking care of internal needs (by hiding sometimes) – and turn that into taking time I’ve CHOSEN for resting/internal work, etc.

    Thanks for this inspiring post!!

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